Today, on Mother's Day my heart is changed and full. There is no greater joy in my life than being a mom. Traveling half way around the world to become a mom for the fourth time is an experience and feeling that is hard to even put into words. There is an overwhelming love that God has given me for this little boy that he has chosen me to be mom to. There is also an overwhelming responsibility that comes with that. Today we had the opportunity to stand in front of our church and dedicate Max to the Lord. We promised to bring him up in the Lord, praying for him and sharing with him his need for a Savior and the sacrifice that God made for him. I pray that Max will see God's hand in his life from the moment he was born and the days that follow.
I stand it awe of the deep, heart penetrating love that God has given me for this little boy.
God has taught this mom so much in our journey to Max and back again. God has showed me what total dependence and trust in him looks like. During this process there were so many times I wanted to control things or tried to do things my way and yet over and over again God showed me he was in control and his timing and plan are perfect. He has taught me about sacrifice, about giving more of myself. He has taught me that he DOES hold each of my kids in his hands and has a plan for their life. Having Max placed in my arms has helped open my heart to a whole new understanding of the deep, deep love my Heavenly Father has for me. Max has played a part in God breaking my heart and laying it wide open with love, passion and heartache for those orphans who have no one to call mommy. He has played a part in me saying "Here I Am Lord" how do you want use me, what can I do for those who don't have a mommy. I pray that I can continue to step out in faith as he continues to lead my heart. I know God will continue to teach me, stretch me and love me on my journey as a mom.
There are times that I forget that this mom has only kissed, hugged, cuddled, fed, clothed, changed, provided for, rocked, wiped tears ...... for Max for only 3 1/2 months. I didn't know him or care for him the first 17 months of his life. There are times we are out and about and I realize people are doing a double take and look at Max and our other kids trying to figure out how they all fit together. It is those times that the reality hits that Max was born a world away ... not bone of my bone or flesh of my flesh but miraculously my own. This weekend was one of those times that the reality of Max's story penetrated my heart and brought out emotions from deep inside this mommy's heart. Last night I looked at Eric with tears streaming down my face and said, "I wonder if there is Mother's Day in China? I can't stop thinking about Max's mom!" We continued to have a conversation about Max's mom and the sacrifice she made. Today I can't help but have a broken heart for a mom I have never met, know nothing about and yet have a love and deep respect for the sacrifice she made even though we will never know the details behind it. She carried my little boy for 9 months. She heard his first cries and held him in her arms. She fed him and cared for him the first 4 days of his life and then she went to the train station and laid him there to be found. She laid him there for a chance at a better life. I have to believe that it broke her heart to lay her baby there and we will never know what led her have to make that choice. I wonder how many times she thinks about her sweet boy and wonders if he is ok. I wish I could tell her and show her how much he is loved and how happy and healthy he is. So today on Mother's Day I am forever grateful for the mom that gave our sweet Max life and I pray for peace for her today. I am forever grateful that God has blessed me with the opportunity to be Max's mommy and walk through life with him as my son. I pray for wisdom and strength along the way!
Today my heart is full ..... I am blessed!
From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another
John 1:16
3 comments:
beautiful post and I feel exactly the same way about my daughter!! Happy Mother's Day!
Beautiful! He is so sweet and I know how lucky you feel to be his mom. Happy Mother's Day (a day late) but everyday is Mother's Day! God is great!
Oh Julie, My how he has grown! He looks amazing! Not that he didnt look amazing in China, because he sure is such a cutie pie, but he looks, "LOVED!" I am so happy for you and your family and for little Max to have such a wonderful Mother as you! Much Love to you!
Tracy
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